The Thing That Should Not Be
"Open the door for yourself, so you will know what is."
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. "
(The Gnostic Gospel of Thomas)
I found the above quotes in Daniel Pinchbeck's book, "Breaking open the head". Regardless of who really gave us this advice, it strikes me that it conveys essential wisdom for all those opening the door, spontaneously or willfully. "Do we need to be saved?" is a valid criticism for messianic religion, but unfortunately the evidence points to the answer that we do indeed need to be saved, by ourselves, from ourselves. What seems to be destroying humanity essentially stems from a kind of spiritual malaise, a loss of soul.
Yet, from a deeper perspective this loss of soul is part of what our civilisation is stumbling into with its re-discovery of "shamanism", a universal process of transformation of the human being.
When Pedro was a very young child he was occasionally haunted by a recurring nightmare: a TOTAL CATASTROPHE in which everything, people, mountains, trees, buildings, everything, is mercilessly blenderised into mincemeat, to an absolutely terrifying guttural sound , like thousands of Tibetan monks chanting the chaotic void, or more like what one can imagine the voice of Cthulhu, HP Lovecraft's primordial evil god, to be like.
This is the end of the beginning , the end of hope , of love , of spirit. A triumph of utterly inhuman evil, a blind devouring of everything of any continuity, connectivity, meaning, empathy, everything we hold as sacred. An all-encompassing terror, a Thing That Should Not Be, yet is , inescapably.
The terror is multiplied by the aweful feeling that no being should be cursed with this vision, a sinister, sadistic punishment for the crime of simply being alive, conscious and innocent. An initiation into something loathsome that robs its victim of all hope and will to live, loading him or her with the unbearable burden of the knowledge of what awaits, what could strike at any moment .
The nightmare stopped haunting Pedro when he stopped resisting and gave into it, surrendered himsself to whatever it was that was frightening him. When it threatened to return at a later point in his life, he faced it and resonated the true essence of his being , and it evaporated.
The first vision Alma ever had with psychedelics (with LSD) , was that of a clinically clean pure white surface, upon which there splashed drops of deep red blood.
Since then i was guided in various ways to go deeper and deeper into the fear so as to see it for what it really is. On the way, she discovered important clues in writings on magic, mysticism and shamanism: the experience of Holy Terror is a universal phenomenon.
Spiritual Alchemy involves a stage of death, followed by a stage of putrefaction and decomposition, which then provides black earth, fertile ground for the birth of the new, unified consciousness. Darkness is a place where seeds germinate.
The deeper one goes the more important it becomes to have the heart and guts to go into that fear and to feel the intense suffering clawing at the body, heart and mind of humankind. This is essential to the work of opening the heart and healing. There is no way to avoid suffering and striving to avoid it only generates more suffering. When we understand that suffering is part of growing up we quickly learn to embrace life and death more fully.
The demons that seem to be feeding on us are there because we have denied their reality, along with the reality of spirit.
What you resist, persists. What you look at , disappears. That is, it ceases to have its illusory form.
You see it for what it Is. And what Is can always be changed.
Therefore, to change the Isness, move into it. Do not resist it. Do not deny it.
What you deny , you declare. What you declare , you create.
Denial of something is re-creation of it, for the very act of denying something places it there.
Acceptance of something places you in control of it.
That which you deny you cannot control, for you have said it is not there.
Therefore what you deny controls you.
The majority of your race does not want to accept that you have not yet evolved to kindergarten. It does not want to accept that the human race is still in nursery school. Yet this lack of acceptance is what keeps it there...
(Neal D. Walsch)
The reaction to these voices is not to kneel in genuflection before a god, because then one will be like Dorothy in her first encounter with Oz. There is no dignity in the universe unless we meet these things on our feet and that means having an I/Thou relationship. (Terence McKenna)
What those run by the forces of repression and domination cannot grasp is that chaos is the source of life, and love is its energy. Both chaos and love are powers that burn those who try to grasp them. Far from being the exclusive domain of priests, mystics or starry-eyed hippies, these powers bring together everything that is and is not. Fear , war and suffering are the consequence of the freedom we have been granted by love and chaos. Love is ruthless in its unconditionality.
Opening the doors of perception bears an enormous responsibility , yet at the same time it is an inevitable process. There is nothing there, old or new, that is not contained in the ALL, all knowing , all loving , all creating, all destroying, nothing that is not part of a cosmic game of conscious reflection, of the eternal coming and going of the Tao. There are endings, happy or tragic, but no finalities, only ecstatic beginnings.
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