-Good evening, Cromelian Bablican!
-And a good evening to you, nagu. We're back at it already!
-Yes, i couldn't resist inviting you over to show off my new armchairs.
- Ooh, damn fine armchairs they are indeed! Ultra-comfy! Well chosen, man!
-Feel the quality of that leather!
-Oh yeah! I like the lower back support too!
-Yes, they are anatomically designed. And you cannot fall over in any direction in them , no matter what you do. Rock solid. Look at the frame. Carved from a single block of oak heart-wood- sustainably harvested, of course. It took some searching to find this kind of thing. These are the best in the market, hand-made in Norway. I demanded from my dad to give me now what he would give me after his death so that i could buy them. I reckon they make perfect pads from which we can launch our pioneering explorations of armchair ayahuascamanism. We can sit on these for hours on end without getting stiff.
-We certainly wouldn't want to get stiff. Hang loose in there, bro!
-Ya mon, me hangin'.
-Ok, nagu, now listen here: i'm concerned about you. Last time you took advantage of me and seduced me into a discussion of some things that i really find irresponsible. You always seem to want to veer things off into a kind of orgy of irrationality and sheer reactive provocativeness. You act as a kind of obsessive gate crasher into the parties of people you believe are being hypocritical, pretending that you are not a hypocrit yourself, because you really do these things to show something to yourself , not anyone else. Basically you are driven by selfish motives, which you hide under a cover of cool pseudo-metamodern neo-shamanism which you know is a scam. All you do is a fake because it's for yourself. And you don't have the training, the qualifications for doing it. Further, your extremist atittudes in pretty much all life issues are most likely leading you to a dead end, and not into your future.
-A-huh. You know my future too?
-Well, i've taken the liberty to invite Prince Schwarming along, who i believe will shed a lot of light into your present and your future. Schwarming has spent a lot of time in India at the feet of Enlightened Teachers.
-Well, Cromelian, liberty is always a good thing , isn't it? Hello, Prince Schwarming, how do you do? I 'm afraid i only got two of these rather plush armchairs, but there's that stool over there, a bit wonky-sorry about that- so make yourself at home , man.
-Call me Schwarmi, i prefer that. Thank you , om nama shivaya, and thank you for inviting me.
- I didn't. But not to worry, Schwarmi. Would you like a drink, would you like a smoke, would you like a nine of poke?
-I don't drink , and poke is evil and leads you to evil. I'd like a smoke, thanks. I'll sit on the floor. Do you happen to have any chai?
-Certainly, three yogi teas coming up! Help yourself to those silk cushions , Schwarmi...So where were we? Ah, yes, Cromelian was taking me apart and has now introduced Schwarmi who will hopefully help us get to the bottom of my troubled and twitwisted mind and soul. So, a long time in India , eh? Sorry to hear that. Brother Schwarmi, help me let go of the illusion of my ego and surrender to the realization that we are all the same, after all!
-Om nama shivaya, shiva shiva shampoo. You see, nagu, there is a higher level, that i know, and that you cannot reach until you are pure. The drugs you are doing are leading you astray, away from that higher level. If you want to be a shaman, you have to reject all impurity and negativity from your life. Also, you are not socialising enough, you don't have a woman by your side, you are unfriendly and hence on your own, avoiding reality, trying to be someone separate and above others. I spend all my time with other people, this is the human way. What happened to that smoke ?
- Ah,yes. I have some rather fine cigars here, or there is some tobacco and papers right there on the coffee table. As for "having a woman by my side", i prefer women on top. However, as someone said:

If women knew what they wanted they would have had it a long time ago.

and, as the song goes:

Some girls are bigger than others;
And some girls' mothers are bigger than other girls' mothers...

- Er, right. So where's the weed?
-Oh, sorry, when i said "would you like a smoke" i meant a cigar. I've got a bit of afghani but, actually, now that i look at it, i don't have that much at all , and i'm saving it. And i don't want to get stoned at the moment.
-Come on, make a joint! You are being ego-centred again, you see, not freely sharing. You are basically unfriendly and negative, don't you see?
-I see , Schwarmi. To you i am unfriendly and negative, because that's what you get. Is that your guru in that photo in front of you , next to that crystal?
-Yes, that's Him.
-Wow, he's got an even BETTER armchair. It's all white and fluffy, to match his white robe. And he's even got a footrest , also in fluffy white! I'm impressed! He looks like Jesus, or even God himself!
-You can laugh because you don't know. He needs the footrest to put his feet up, otherwise He would get tired. He is an Enlightened Being, who doesn't need drugs to pollute His vibrations! You can go to Him, and He loves everyone, and see for yourself how advanced He is, and how impure we are!
-Ah-huh. How do you like the chai?
-It's quite strong. Can i have some more milk and sugar?
-Certainly...There you go, finish this off , there's more in the pot...
Now, Schwarmi, do you realise why karma has led us to this moment? Do you realise what Cromelian and myself do and who we are?
-Om nama shivaya. Shiva shiva shampoo. We are all one.
-And pure, Schwarmi, all one and pure... And that's why both me and nagu figured you, Prince Schwarming, would be pure enough to take what is in that chai!

 

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